Where to Start to Calm Your Chaos
I wanted to write a blog post about the beginning of my coaching process, to coincide with the beginning of the year, but I was dreading that coming across as just-another-goal-setting post about New Year’s Resolutions. Maybe that’s valid, maybe it’s some type of impostor syndrome, but either way, it led me to think outside the box and in doing so, I came to a realization worth sharing. It’s going to help me not just write this blog, but reframe how I think about goal-setting in my life and with my clients going forward. Wanna hear it?
What if I told you …
… that the purpose and benefit of setting good goals was NOT to achieve the goal?
Now that you’ve had a chance to visualize that, I’m going to tell you just that: the purpose and benefit of setting good goals is NOT to achieve the goal.
Did you do the thing you said you would? If not, I question your future-telling ability, but we’ll work on that here.
Why Start with Goals?
If it’s not just, “because it helps us achieve them,” then what are even we doing here?
It might ultimately help us achieve the goal, sure. But in the meantime, and on our way there, we have a couple other problems to deal with that keep us from ‘living our best life,’ as they say: chaos and, well, lack of feeling good.
A good goal (we’ll call it a Most Alive Goal) gives you a level of clarity that filters out a lot of the chaos in the world around you. It gives you something concrete to aim for in a world of shimmering possibilities that simply become distractions - or even invisible - when you have it.
Imagine not having to spend energy figuring out what to do. Not diverting that energy across multiple worthy efforts. Not wondering if you should be doing something else but instead being lost in the moment as you progress.
That’s part one: goals are a filter. They simplify the chaos of life.
Then there’s a part two: goals create paths, and the paths are the ticket, you guys.
In some sciencey terms:
Progress Principle - "Of all the things that can boost emotions, motivation, and perceptions during a workday, the single most important is making progress in meaningful work."
Flow state - "optimal experience" that occurs when we are engaged in something that challenges our skills to their limits (not when we reach a goal)
Hedonic Adaptation - novelty wears off, so the pleasure of reaching a goal doesn't last, but each step in the pursuit is new and therefore offers new, continuous hits of reward for us
Do you see it? What we humans get off on is making progress in meaningful work that challenges our skills to their limits and keeps us interested. This is why it’s not just pontification when they say, “It’s not the destination, it’s the journey,” (another of my clichés that hits different now); it’s truly ancient wisdom.
If we reach a goal, it’ll happen during one, single, solitary moment when we cross the finish line we set for ourselves. But the real benefit comes from how much more we enjoy the entire race to that finish line when we’ve filtered out the chaos of everything else we could aim for, and given ourselves the fulfillment of a meaningful, enjoyable path. That is, when we’ve set ourselves a Most Alive Goal.
So that’s why to bother with the whole New Year’s Resolution thing, or the goal-setting thing any other time of year. Now, how to do it?
How to Set Good Goals
Do you have one concise sentence, in your own words, that excites you when you say it, to describe your next goal?
I have my clients start with their values, strengths (see last month’s blog), and interests. You may know these off the jump, or I have tools to help you get there. Tying this to the above science:
Ensuring your goal represents your values —> “meaningful work”
Ensuring your goal involves your strengths —> “challenging our skills”
Ensuring your goal interests you —> keeps you obtaining “hits of reward”
Start there. See where you get it. That’s what I do with my clients, and what I do with myself.
There’s more to do, but that sets the stage. Get excited about where you’re going, find a way to use your strengths to get there, and make sure you give a damn about it. Then, you might be able to experience what Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi wrote in his book Flow, The Psychology of Optimal Experience:
"[Turn] all life into a unified flow experience. If a person sets out to achieve a difficult enough goal, from which all other goals logically follow, and if he or she invests all energy in developing skills to reach that goal, then actions and feelings will be in harmony, and the separate parts of life will fit together—and each activity will “make sense” in the present, as well as in view of the past and of the future. In such a way, it is possible to give meaning to one’s entire life.”
Looking for a fresh take on why goals matter? I took a stab at one here and changed my own perspective (oops). Spoiler: It's not because setting goals helps you achieve them. It's not because it's New Year's Resolution time.
See how Most Alive Goals calm your chaos and lead to fulfillment. Warning: you might end up feeling ready to make 2025 the year you set Most Alive Goals and stick to them! If so, I have a treatment for that: Join our New Year’s Challenge where we’ll help you create goals that light you up and keep you moving. Let’s make this your most fulfilling year yet!
To your growth,
Dan Greco
Owner and Strategy Coach at Most Alive
Email dan@most-alive.com
Website most-alive.com
Instagram @mostalivellc
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